It's Okay to Eat That? New Foods to You I

After you've made the rounds at the parties, and you've developed friendships with people unlike yourself, you'll be presented with cuisine you're not accustomed to. You see, not everyone can subsist on a strict diet of ding dongs, twinkies, and Combos like you did during your meth period.

There's an entire, civilized world of culinary arts out there. When your new, cultured boyfriend takes you out to a restaurant with real table cloths and chairs with backs, you may come across some peculiar looking dishes. The last thing you want to do is furrow your brows, point to the menu and ask him what es-kar-gotts are. Once again, Mr. Mannerz is here to hold your hand through the wonderful world of New Foods For You. But first, let's get something important out of the way.

There is a such a thing as a gastronomic hierarchy. Please see below:


Gastronome—One who is well-versed in the relationship between culture, fine food and drink

Gourmet—A connoisseur of fine food and drink

Friand—Epicure; one who is concerned with fine food and drink

Gourmand—One who enjoys eating

Goulu—Glutton; a human garbage disposal

Goinfre—Greedy-guts; a lowdown, filthy human with food stains all over his/her shirt


Right now you're a greedy-guts; but I'd be happy if you even made it to gourmand. That's our goal here. Let's start with the first dish. This is something you may get at an establishment with at least one Michelin star. Yes, the tire people. They produce an annual series of guide books feauturing the crème de la crème in restaurants and hotels.

A Michelin star is no laughing matter. Several years ago Bernard Loiseau, a chef who had been awarded 3 stars (the highest honor) for his restaurant La Côte d'Or, committed suicide. It's widely speculated that he feared losing one of his stars.

On to more uplifting news. Finally, the food.


Foie gras (French for "fat liver") is a dish made from the liver of a goose or duck that was deliberately fattened. There has been some controversy as of late due to the force-feeding factor that creates the right amount of fatness. If you're the indulgent type like myself, you just sweep that stuff under the rug—you know, the same place you're still harboring those last pieces of crack rock.

A standard foie gras dish has basic ingredients: duck or goose, salt, pepper, canola oil, and balsamic vinegar. Nothing outrageous. So when the waiter places this palte in front of you, act like you've been dining on this for years in the formal dining room of your double wide.