ACT LIKE YOU KNOW: ACRONYMS

Now that you have a proper desk job, you're boss may use certain lingo that you've never heard in your life. Sure, you're becoming used to LMAO, WTF, and SMH. But there are other letters of greater importance. As always, Mr. Mannerz wants to prepare you for the near future.




Let's start off with the definition first. An acronym is an abbreviation formed when using the first initial of a series of words. Below is a list (in no particular order) of acronyms you ought to know.

EPCOT-Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. Your deadbeat dad was supposed to take you to Epcot Center back in '89. Up until last year you were still sitting on the curb waiting for him to pull up in his cool Camaro. He loved that car more than he loved you. And that' s why you're here with me now. It's a dreadful shame.

PIN-Personal Identification Number. You should know this one quite well. Let's not forget all of the pin numbers you memorized when you borrowed your mother's and sister's debit cards.

USA-United States of America. This is where you currently reside.

DNA-Deoxyribonucleic Acid. Remember when you were busted for aggravated assault and armed robbery but denied it. This is how they were able to prove that you were there.

SAT-Scholastic Achievement (or Aptitude) Test. You skipped out on this one several times because you slept through an entire weekend.

CEO-Chief Executive Officer. She's the woman who looks directly through you on the elevator on the way to the top floor (that's where the executive suites are—your boss won't be moving there any time soon).

COO-Chief Operating Officer. He's the guy who is good friends with the CEO, has his own office, but no one really knows what he does. He likes ogling the inappropriately dressed interns.

DAR-Daughters of the American Revolution. Membership is open to women who can prove lineal bloodline descent from an ancestor who aided in achieving United States independence. You don't have to worry about rubbing shoulders with them just yet...or maybe ever, I'm afraid.

MoMA-Museum of Modern Art. You think that you went there once a field trip or something with your sixth grade class (right around the time your deadbeat dad abandoned you for his Camaro). It's good practice for that art opening we discussed earlier. Friday afternoons offer free admission. I suggest you forget about your friend's band gig for a couple of Fridays. They never start on time and they're not that good anyway. MoMA can do more for your metamorphosis.

ASAP-As Soon As Possible. This military acronym has made its way into the mainstream. Perhaps you could use a little military training yourself. It worked wonders for Judy Benjamin.